i'm at a point in my life where i can't even fathom marriage. i want to think that it is that incredible "thing" where two people make a dedication for the rest of their lives to one another. They help each other to continually grow and influence positive change. Their love resonates throughout their lives together to everyone they meet. Marriage maybe is saying "i have chosen to make a promise to love you, a messy kind of love that isn't always rainbows and butterflies; i have chosen to fight for you, to be solely with you, to be intimate with you, to lift you up and to push you forward"
i'm at a point in my life where i also can't even fathom love or a committed relationship. i don't see it and i can't feel it or touch it or smell it or taste it... but i'm ready to do it. i believe in love as the verb. i'm doing ok at it in every day living, but i don't know how to do it in a committed relationship. i've never really had one, and i don't know what it's like to be loved and to love that someone in return.
There are relationship people, and then there is me; a non-relationship person. i don't have boyfriends or serious relationships. i have "one night stands", crushes here and there, constant going after guys i can't have, fear of allowing someone to love me whom i love it return. It's scary. That person has the power to crush your heart, and the repairs could take forever to heal. Who'd want to risk that? Maybe i just haven't found anyone worth risking it for...
Or maybe, all of this topic of love/relationships/marriage is mumbo jumbo and i'm just supposed to live, be single and available for loving all people and not putting too much energy in one relationship.
Meh - it's all intangible and foreign to me. And i'm realizing that it just freaks me out.
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