Who Have I Become?

Remember how I said I was messed up?!?! Here's just a taste. Warning it's a bit "graphic" and the language chosen was deemed appropriate since I've been dating A LOT of black men who talk like this.... I can explain some later, if you ask... otherwise, enjoy.

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Who Have I Become?

Who have I become? I only think about myself…

Who I’ll date, who I’ll fuck… Put my morals on the shelf

I have students I need to care about and my friendships to tend to

And what should be above all, my relationship with God and family, not a boo.

Somehow family became bottom of my list; who I’m screwin became number 1.

What kind of life is that? In desperate search of a non existent no one…

I need to rearrange my priorities, chics before dicks right?

And by chics I mean homies, and me and my fam should get back to bein tight.

Why do I give my time to them “niggas who just want my Ku Kush”?

Why do I waste my precious life boozing up and fuckin around with deuche(s)?

I used to think so many good things for my life…

Like being remembered as someone who helped others out of strife.

Is it true what they say, that to be loved you must love yourself first?

But I did love myself… I spose key word being did and then I let it go in a hearse.

Why did I let go of a woman that was so dear?

How did I lose my life and let it become so unclear?

I guess I handled heartbreak in the worst way that I could

He didn’t give me enough sex, so I fucked many men that would.

I sought attention from him, and when it wasn’t received,

I went and sought attention from someone else, who realized I breathe.

Or is that a fucking excuse? Do I really just seek approval from a man?

Oh wait… psychologists tell me its because I never got it from my dad.

A year and a half ago, I decided to get a trainer and join a gym.

I lost 84 pounds and felt amazing for myself and did none of it for a “him.”  

Shit got rough with my dad, and we weren’t sure he’d make it through,

So I stuffed my face and didn’t visit the gym, and now feel like Baloo.

Maybe I wanted to feel like shit because it became safe, comfortable, known…

Well now that I say that, how longs it gunna take me to take this new path that is shown?

Don’t I deserve to be happy? Don’t I deserve to feel superb?!

Don’t I owe it to myself to love me, I mean hell, I’ve spent my whole life with her.

When am I going to stop bitching and start grabbing the bull by its balls?

When am I going to realize that not picking myself up is worse than taking the falls?

Now that the question of “Who have I become” has been asked,

It’s time to move forward, and tell that Kinna to kiss my ass J