To be or not to be..

A pastor? What kind of pastor?

I feel called, to what? Well, to too many freakin things. Here's the list (as of now):

1. Worship: How can we DO worship to embody who God, Christ, and the Holy spirit are? 
2. Music: How can we portray who God is through music? How can music be used to allow the Spirit to work through us? How can we use music to heal, to excite, to empower? How can I use my musical talent to help the world know the God that I love?
3. Justice: How can Christian leaders impact the lives of the people around them to promote justice? How do we live into tension with those who don't see the same justices as we do? 
4. Identity: How do I keep my identity? How do I create a pastoral identity of my own? What makes up our identity? How do I help others to find theirs?
5. Pastoral Care: How do I create safe spaces to invite people in? How do I find the resources to help those who are broken? How do I help those who are suffering and how can I walk along side of them? How do I continue to love people and be a person that they can come to?
6. Outcasts: How do I continue to hear the voices of the outcasts when I am an "authority figure" within a church? How do I give voice to the outcasts?
7. Youth: How do we use the youth as an integral part of the faith community? How do we give them voice?
8. Young adults: SAME as above
9. Service: How do we do service without just being the "messiah" for a week on a mission trip? How can we be doing relational service?

What I fear (just a few off the top of my head):

1. Being put on a pedestal 
2. Rejection
3. Losing my human-ness
4. Not having answers for those with questions
5. Impossibility will win over possibility
6. Failure
7. Mis-representation

I could "unpack" all of these in much more depth, but that may be cause for a novel...

Who I am that may hinder my position of "authority":

1. Broken... Oh wait, that's all of us!

I'm wrestling with who I am, the healing I need to endure, and who God calls me to be. I'm resistant to becoming a pastor because of my brokenness, insecurities, and fear of how the world will react to me as a leader in the church... Do I have what it takes?

God calls the lowly to do great things. God brings possibility out of impossibility. Jesus tends to the outcasts. 

Is God calling me the lowly, impossible outcast to do something bigger than I believe that I can? 

Discernment is a bitch...